Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The Come-to-Jesus Meeting (AKA: The Locker Room Talk)

I was angry at my boss. Okay, I was SPITTIN' angry! My blood was boiling, my hands were shaking. I couldn't get it out of my mind. How could she treat her most loyal employee like this? I had been working 80 hours a week, filling in for people who took time off, doing three people's jobs (including hers)... and yet, when I ask for some time off, she says she can't spare me. If anyone deserved some time off, it was I!!!

Luckily, it was close enough to lunch time that leaving wouldn't seem unusual. So I grabbed my workout gear, stormed out, and headed to the YMCA to work off some steam. I got on the step machine and started stepping as hard and fast as I could. I did some free weights, I walked briskly around the track. If only the racquetball courts weren't already reserved. I could inflict some HEAT on a little blue ball! Oh yes! So I got on the treadmill. Usually, working out helped me think through things and either come to my senses, or at least make myself too tired to be worked up. But not this time.

After about 45 minutes of sweating, swearing, contemplating my righteousness and her wrongedness, going over and over in my head what I would like to say to her (and to think, we were FRIENDS!)…I flung open the door to the locker room. I stared at the lockers, breathing in that sweaty, musty odor. Now it was time to clean up and go back to work... but I wasn't ready yet. I sat down on the bench huffing, not just from the strenuous exercise but from the injustice of it all. I stared at my sneakers.

In fast-forward speed, I said to myself "Aren't you going to pray about this?" The question came and went so fast through my brain, it was like a lightning bolt. The sky lit up, and then there was darkness. I paused. I huffed. I began to do that God-forsaken "thinking and brooding" again, as if I were drowning and needed to tread water to stay alive. Kick, kick, breathe, breathe, "how could she?!" huff, huff, huff. "Does she want to burn me out? Does she want her most valuable employee to quit? I really need some time off!" I couldn't even stop my mind long enough to pray... long enough to just say "Jesus, a little help?"

I sat there on the bench facing the orange lockers, hung my head down, fought back tears. I took a deep breath. "Lord, I can't seem to stop my mind from racing... so you don't have much time in between thoughts, but I need your help to get past this. I'm going to try to be quiet and listen for you, but you may only have a split second." I took another breath. When I blew it out, the anger was gone. Poof!

Now, I know that "locker room talks" from coaches are supposed to be filled with fire from the belly. I know that "Come-to-Jesus meetings" are not really meetings at all, but tongue-lashings. Both of these phrases conjure up a picture of berating, brow-beating brimstone that leaves the recipient filled with regret and pain. But for me, the locker room talk was a blessed relief, and the Come-to-Jesus Meeting was a warm embrace. I left the locker room knowing that He could truly take away my grief and anger if I would but ask.... and he could do it in a micro-second.

I don't even recall in much detail what happened after that. I went back and stated my case to my friend/boss in a calm and loving manner, and was content with the outcome. Honestly, I don't know if she gave in and let me take some time off, or if she explained why she couldn't and I accepted it. It really doesn't even matter. What matters is the time I spent with Jesus, allowing him to put salve on my wounds and help me stand. I am convinced that God is outside of time, because the time I gave him was so small, it cannot even be measured. But even in the blink of an eye he can do great things; bless his holy name.


Carver said...

Hi Jackie,

The suspense did indeed bring me back. Well done. I love the way you write. Very honest and direct.

On a lighter note, you win the prize for comments on the J. S., V.D. thread. We all needed a laugh about then and you supplied it. Hey here's a thought perhaps he can be nicknamed the VD man. Bless his heart, he needs to find another place to post.

The irony for me is I have recently found out I have a vit. D deficiency but I didn't get it until a long time AFTER my MM dx when I changed my habits and didn't add supplements. Mine is being corrected with a D scipt and frequent blood checks so it isn't over corrected. I think the order of my D issue would be lost on Mr. VD so I'm not going to fess up.

I'll look forward to reading more of your stories.

Take care, Carver

sue said...

I love what you wrote..clear and conside with a little added suspense as to the outcome. I have found myself in the same circumstances enough times to relate to the "faster than a speeding bullet, in a blink of an eye and so on"...I always think I'm not focusing but maybe, after reading your story, that's not it at all..maybe God does work that fast in us..hmmmm certainly food for thought for me. sue